


No Easy Way Down

by almostblue (fictionalaspect)



Category: B.A.P, K-pop
Genre: B.A.P Killing Camp, BFFs, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sexuality Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-07
Updated: 2013-05-07
Packaged: 2017-12-10 17:35:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/788324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalaspect/pseuds/almostblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You were touching me," Youngjae says, thanking every god he knows for the cover of darkness. If only Daehyun could see his face right now. "It was weird." </p><p>"That's how you kiss someone on TV," Daehyun says. "Or in general, idiot. Or feed them a cookie when you're trying to win a game and they're backing away from you." </p><p>"I wasn't backing away," Youngjae says, "I just. It was so. So." He doesn't know what else to say. He doesn't know why his stomach is tied up in knots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Easy Way Down

**Author's Note:**

> A series of interconnected shorts about Daehyun's "It doesn't matter, it's only boys!" comment during Episode 2 of Killing Camp (which is [here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=Ebz6_pFp184&feature=endscreen) if you haven't seen it). This is the first one, and came out with a lot more feels than I intended. Thank you to [roebling](http://archiveofourown.org/users/roebling/pseuds/roebling) for saving this from becoming a disaster.

Himchan hyung is snoring.

It's a snore that Youngjae is used to, unfortunately. It's not particularly loud, or particularly offensive; quiet little rabbit snores, maybe. A breath in, and a breath out, and it should be comforting but it's not tonight, for all that Youngjae has a coat _and_ a warm sleeping bag _and_ a pillow. He has enough room to move, too – enough room that he could stretch all of his limbs out, if he wanted to. 

He doesn't want to--it's cold as fuck in here, seriously--but he _could_.

Himchan is still snoring. Youngjae's nose is cold. 

It's not often that he can't sleep. Zelo is passed out next to him, face down in his pillow, his long legs curled to the side, breathing steadily. Youngjae knows all of this because they have a flashlight and a cell phone, in case of emergencies, and because there's a tiny bit of light emanating from the actual overnight bus that Manager Kang and the rest of the crew are sleeping in. It's enough to see his hand as a shadow in front of his face, but not much else. It's been a long time since he's been somewhere this dark. It's comforting. 

Youngjae goes over the day's events in his head, to keep himself from smacking Himchan hyung in his pretty, very necessary face. Orderly thoughts have always made him pleasantly sleepy. 

He places each memory like a puzzle piece, slipping each one into its slot. The bus ride--the crick in his neck, so familiar that he knows it will come right out with their first warm-up of the day. The missing backpacks, Himchan hyung's outrage at losing his advantage. Youngguk hyung's secret smile as Jongup had slipped him the tickets. Sometimes Youngjae thinks his two hyungs exist solely to balance each other out, and that the whole world would cant precipitously to one side if either of them ceased to exist. 

Youngjae shifts through the rest of his day in his mind, waiting for Himchan to roll over so his snoring won't be right in Youngjae's ear. He needs to sleep. His muscles ache after the soccer and the rugby, although he supposes that a dose of extra physical exertion isn't going to hurt any of them. There's still mud in his hair, even after their quick showers on the staff buses. And then in the middle there had been their break—Youngjae thinks he might have passed out if the crew hadn't given them food and water. And then some aegyo, and the cookies and Daehyun's--

\--no, Youngjae isn't going to think about that. He needs to sleep.

He rolls on his side, suddenly determined to do something about Himchan’s snoring. He knows if he wakes Himchan up he's going to be in for a cranky lecture and possibly some extra chores when they get home, but it's almost worth it. Maybe he can just sort of...nudge Himchan's shoulder or something. Maybe he can do it without waking him up. 

Youngjae scoots closer in his sleeping bag, feeling a little silly. He's all bundled up like a caterpillar or something, and maybe it's not the worst thing he's ever worn (no, no, not by far) but he also usually doesn't have to wriggle across a tent floor. He reaches his hand out, but at the same time he's suddenly conscious of someone just outside the tent door, slowly unzipping the opening, like they're trying to be as quiet as possible. Not Manager Kang, then. Probably Youngguk hyung. Youngjae didn't really expect him to stay in that tiny tent all night - they can edit it in the morning so that it looks like he did. 

Shit, is he going to want Youngjae's pillow? 

No, maybe he'll share with Himchan hyung. Or--no, Zelo's sleeping at the other end of the tent, now at least four feet away on Youngjae's right. If Youngguk asks, Youngjae will suggest that he take the maknae's. Zelo probably won't even notice. 

"Youngguk hyung?" Youngjae says softly, as loudly as he dares. "It's okay, they're both dead asleep. We have enough room for you here." 

"Shh!" hisses the figure sharply, and then Daehyun falls -- awkwardly, gracelessly -- into the empty space between Zelo and Youngjae. He lands mostly on Youngjae.

“Ouch,” Youngjae mutters. Daehyun’s elbow hit a particularly sore paintball bruise.

"Shh," Daehyun says, clamps his hand over Youngjae's mouth and giving him a meaningful look. Or at least, he's probably giving Youngjae a meaningful look. He can't actually tell in the darkness.

"What are you _doing_?" Youngjae says, poking Daehyun hard in the stomach. "Himchan hyung is going to _murder you_ if he wakes up and finds you here."

"He's never going to find out," Daehyun whispers, curling as close as he can. "Come on, Youngjae, seriously. It's freezing in there and I can't sleep and you have a pillow. Share. I'll take my punishment. Right now I'm so cold I don't even care." 

"It's not my fault you were on the losing team," Youngjae says imperiously. 

"It's TV," Daehyun says. "Seriously, move over and share. Are you still weird about that cookie thing? I told you. It's not kissing. You're so weird sometimes." 

"You--" Youngjae can feel his mouth hanging partly open, but he can't seem to close it. "I know that wasn't a kiss," Youngjae says flatly. Goddamit, he's blushing. His stupid face and his stupid stomach that does that flipping thing sometimes, always when he least expects it. "That was you biting my face off."

"That was me trying feed you a cookie," Daehyun corrects him, already busying himself with turning their two sleeping bags very quietly into one giant sleeping bag. "I just happened to be using my mouth. It was worth it to watch you get so embarrassed, although I wish you hadn't been such an pabo about it and made us lose." 

"You were touching me," Youngjae says, thanking every god he knows for the cover of darkness. If only Daehyun could see his face right now. "It was weird." 

"That's how you kiss someone on TV," Daehyun says. "Or in general, idiot. Or feed them a cookie when you're trying to win a game and they're backing away from you." 

"I wasn't backing away," Youngjae says, "I just. It was so. So." He doesn't know what else to say. He doesn't know why his stomach is tied up in knots.

"Youngguk-hyung was fine with it," Daehyun says breezily. He's managed to squirm his body right up alongside Youngjae's like he's trying to soak up all the heat he can. Youngjae tries to ignore the fact that they're touching again. 

They're always touching, and it's fine, and he doesn't know why he freaked out today, either. 

"Yongguk-hyung's had more practice," Youngjae says. 

"It's just boys," Daehyun says stubbornly, when Youngjae stays purposefully silent for a long few moments. "It's just a game. Why did you get so upset? You were actually upset. You were blushing."

"I wasn’t upset. It was weird," Youngjae retorts, ignoring Daehyun's question. The tips of his fingers are tingling, from the cold or from lack of oxygen, Youngjae doesn't know. "Why were you so into it? What, do you kiss boys a lot?"

Daehyun's face is scrunched up next to his on the pillow. They're really close. They’re all used to sleeping and living on top of each other but this feels different. 

This seems more intimate, somehow. Maybe it's because he can't see Daehyun's face; all he has are cold hands, warming quickly as Youngjae rubs them between his own. All he has is Daehyun's voice and his feet tucked up next to Youngjae's own. 

His hair in Youngjae's eyelashes.

"What?" Youngjae says, nudging him after Daehyun follows suit and becomes uncharacteristically quiet. "Daehyun. Come on, I was kidding."

"Sometimes," Daehyun says softly, so quiet that Youngjae can barely hear it. "But it doesn't count. It--doesn't. Right?"

Youngjae stops rubbing Daehyun's hands, stunned into inaction. 

"I don't know," Youngjae says, eventually. It's the only thing he can think of to say. He has no idea if it counts. He's only ever kissed girls. He's barely gotten past second base, and that was a long time ago. It's not like he has that much time to go out and find girls to kiss these days. 

"You can't tell _anyone_ ," Daehyun says fiercely, gripping his hand. "Don't, I swear Youngjae, if you--"

"I won't tell," Youngjae says, and Daehyun relaxes his death grip on Youngjae's hand. "But--why?"

"What do you mean, why?"

"Why do you--I mean, how do you. Do you just--?"

"I shouldn't have told you," Daehyun says flatly, and starts to roll over. Youngjae catches him by the shoulder and pulls him back, closer now, so that they're forehead to forehead. 

"Who are you kissing that doesn't count?" Youngjae says, whispering so quietly that even he has to strain to hear the words.

"People," Daehyun says. "Other idols. Maybe." 

"And you just--"

"I don't know," Daehyun says, and he sounds frustrated. "I don't know, it keeps happening somehow. One time it was backstage at a music show, and it was after we'd gone on the first time but then we had to just sit around and wait for the ending --"

"Which show? When?"

"Like I'm going to tell you _when_ ,” he says.

"You tell me everything!"

"I'm _not_ telling you," Daehyun says. "But it was just--I don't know. It happened. I was curious."

"Are you still curious?"

"Yeah," Daehyun says, and he sounds so sad that Youngjae's heart aches for him. Curious--doesn't sound like a good thing. Curious sounds like dangerous, and sneaking around, and losing a career in an instant. It sounds terrifying. 

But curious also sounds like how Youngjae feels sometimes, that feeling he can't put into words. It sounds like the way his stomach flips and his mouth gets dry when he sees Daehyun laughing, and he has to look away for fear that someone will notice. 

"I'm curious too," Youngjae hears himself whisper, like the words are being spoken by an entirely different person in an entirely different body. Someone who isn't so close to Daehyun that he can feel his heartbeat, who isn't somehow still holding Daehyun's hand. 

Someone who hasn't linked his fingers with Daehyun's while Youngjae wasn't paying attention. 

"I think I was upset because it counts," Youngjae says, when Daehyun says silent. He can hear how quickly Daehyun is breathing. He can feel it on his skin. "For me. I think it might count for me." 

"Oh," Daehyun says. 

"If you're the one doing it," Youngjae says. A bit unnecessarily, he thinks, judging from their current positions, but if he's all in, he's all in. Fuck. Fuck, what the hell are they _doing_ ?

Daehyun sucks in a breath. 

Youngjae waits.

And then he waits some more, but before he can say something like "Hey, this would be a good time to be curious, idiot," Daehyun's mouth is on his, lightly covering his lips. It might be the most chaste kiss Youngjae's ever received, so he opens his mouth slightly. He may be an idol, but he's not a _complete_ innocent. 

He shivers when Daehyun runs the tip of his tongue along Youngjae's lower lip. Youngjae presses closer and Daehyun gets the message and finally kisses him, a real kiss, mouth and teeth and tongues. Daehyun's hands on Youngjae's jaw, just like before, like he has to make sure Youngjae stays in place or else he's going to lose him.

Youngjae doesn't really know what to do with his hands, so he reaches up and runs one through Daehyun's short hair, gritty with sand and salt. Daehyun's mouth tastes like the candy he'd swiped from Jongup's backpack when Jongup wasn't looking, sweet and sharp at the same time. 

"You taste good," Youngjae murmurs, when they pull apart to breath. It's a stupid thing to say, but it's true. He's always like the taste of ginger. It seems to suit Daehyun. 

"You--" Daehyun says, and then stops, kissing Youngjae again. It's a softer kiss this time--a promise of more. 

"We need to sleep," Daehyun says, and Youngjae nods. He's wide awake and exhausted at the same time, tingling everywhere that Daehyun is touching him but also warm and cozy in their little cocoon. He wonders how Daehyun is planning on sneaking out before the sun rises. He wonders if Daehyun even cares. 

"How are you going to get out?" Youngjae says sleepily. "You know they're going to wake us up in a few hours anyway."

"I'm not," Daehyun says. "Just play dumb. Act like you have no idea how I got in here."

"You think they'll believe it?"

"Sure," Daehyun mumbles. He kisses Youngjae again, a sleepy press of lips. "I promise. I'll take the fall."

"This counts," Youngjae whispers, letting his eyes fall shut.

Daehyun squeezes his hand back in return.


End file.
